Millennial Motherhood: 3 permission slips you need right now.

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Millennial motherhood is no joke. We are facing challenges that other generations have not had to face. Every generation has its challenges (especially economically), but let’s just look at a few that millennials specifically are facing today.

1. Abundant choices

2. Internet safety

3. Social Media

4. Global pandemic fallout

5. High inflation rates

Obviously, previous generations have had to deal with high inflation rates, but this is definitely heaping shovel fulls of stress on to the shoulders of millennial parents. Especially considering the US has the second highest child care costs in the world, and some of the worst parental leave policies. Many parents are having to choose whether or not it’s worth it for both spouses to work outside of the home. This of course has led to a huge rise in entrepreneurship (a good thing!) and side gigs to make ends meet. The unfortunate thing is that there will always be a trade off. Maybe this looks like less time with your family or cutting back as much as possible in the budget. However you do it, there is stress associated.

The biggest challenge in Millennial motherhood is everything technology related. We were the first generation to have the internet available at home as kids. We learned to type in school, and were the first to dive in to social networking online. We are also the first to really see the negative side of all of it, and navigating when and how it’s appropriate for our children. It can be a scary thing to navigate, especially with the rise of AI. Of course, there is always two sides to a coin. Technology can be an amazing tool, it opens doors for many to dive in to entrepreneurship, and is a massive part of our children’s future careers!

One of the downsides of a constantly connected life, and endless options available is that we are also a generation of mothers struggling with comparison on a global scale. In an effort to keep up, and make sure our kids don’t miss out, we are living over scheduled, over committed, and boundary-less lives. We are exhausted and burnt out emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

With all of this in mind, there are a few permission slips that I believe every millennial mother needs right now.

Ruthless Elimination: Streamline Your Priorities

1. Identify the Non-Essentials: Evaluate Your Commitments

Most of us are committed to more than we need to be. Between kids extracurricular activities, the PTA, volunteering at church, and work, there’s often little time to relax and enjoy your family. All of these commitments may be wonderful and important things, but the truth is, you can’t do it all. Ruthlessly evaluate what’s currently on your plate. Are there commitments that you can let go of in this season? I like to say if it’s not a “hell yes!” it’s a “hell no.”- See? Ruthless.

2. Say No with Confidence: Set Boundaries for Your Well-being

Good boundaries are typically a struggle for a lot of Christian women. I’ve found that many of us were raised in a “sacrifice for the church” kind of mentality, and it has really hurt us. I’m not saying that we should never sacrifice. I’m saying that we often sacrifice when it’s not appropriate to do so. Serving the church, and others should always come from an overflow, and place of worship. It’s helping carry someone else’s burdens when they are unable, and we are in a position to help. We have to get really good at evaluating if serving is something we can do without producing fruit of resentment or bitterness in our own hearts. Always look at the fruit.

3. Embrace Minimalism: Simplify Your Lifestyle Choices

Minimalism isn’t just a design choice, it’s something you can carry over into every area of your life. Think of the capsule wardrobe. 9-12 pieces that all go together in many different combinations. This eliminates a lot of decision making, saving you mental energy. I also do this with our weekly menu. Every season, I have a rotation of 9-12 meals that everyone in the family enjoys (for the most part, lol), and I just rotate them week to week. Again, this saves me mental energy because I know what I need to buy each week, and don’t overwhelm myself with choices. When the season changes, so do my menu items. This way, we don’t get too bored, and we’re eating seasonally. What other areas could you apply this framework?

Make It Easy: Simplifying Daily Tasks

1. Automate and Delegate: Find Efficiency in Household Chores

Millennial women have grown up with a “wonder woman” mentality, thinking that we can conquer it all, but the reality is, we were never meant to. Many past generations operated with a tribe mentality, helping one another prepare food and care for children, but we live in a much more self reliant society now. On top of that, many of us are also working, so something has to give. It can’t all be on mom’s shoulders to keep the house running, manage everyone’s schedules, make all the meals, AND work. We need to delegate. Everyone in the home can be responsible for something. Maybe dad cooks on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday? The kids can be responsible for unloading the dishwasher and keeping their bedrooms clean. In our house, our kids (13 & 9 yrs old) are both responsible for their laundry. The 9yr old still gets help from mom, but our 13yr old is fully trained. We also rotate who cleans our main floor bathroom, and trash duty. Everyone has a job, and contributes to the household. Decide what’s appropriate for your family, and give your family grace as you all figure it out together.

Also, for some, hiring help might be the right choice. There is absolutely no shame in hiring help! Do you need a cleaning service to take house cleaning and laundry off your shoulders? Do it! Maybe you need to hire someone to take care of your landscaping, or do your grocery shopping. Whatever it is, make it easy.

2. Create Systems: Organize Your Routine for Smooth Execution

This is all about habits and rhythms. Generally doing the same things at the same times each day will eliminate a lot of decision fatigue. It may sound boring, but take it from me, boring is way better than chaos. Boring routines will help keep your nervous system in check, and also give you room for the random things that pop up in life. We will all experience emergencies, unexpected changes in plans, and general upheaval. That’s just a part of living a human life, but having solid rhythms and routines will give you a firm foundation so that those interruptions don’t feel like impassible mountains. It will also help you recover much quicker.

Also conduct a personal energy audit. Pay attention to your energy levels throughout the day. Do you tend to have more energy and mental clarity in the morning? If so, this may be the time to block out to make important decisions, write emails, or run errands. If you have a full time job outside of the home, use this to plan your workday. If possible, plan meetings for a time of day that you have a little less energy so that you are free to work on important projects when you’re at your best. I personally, hit a bit of a wall in the afternoon, so once the kids and I get home from school pick up, I give myself a 30 minute break to relax before I start to make dinner.

3. Embrace Technology: Utilize Apps and Tools for Simplification

We live in a technology driven world. There are SO many apps that can help you stay organized, and generally make your life easier, so why not take advantage? I love it when apps pull double duty for me as well. For instance, I’m watching my calorie and macro intake each day, but I also need to plan meals for the family. I use an app called Plan To Eat that does both! I can upload recipes from my favorite blogs, take pictures of recipes that are in my favorite cookbooks, and find recipes on the app itself. There are also settings to have it show you whatever kind of nutritional break down you want to see. When I go to plan the week, I can simply drag and drop recipes into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, and it will show me my total for each day. Plus, the whole week is logged, so if I just follow my plan, I know I’m hitting my nutritional needs without having to log every single day. Move over, My Fitness Pal!

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Embrace Imperfection

1. Redefine Success: Shift Away from Unrealistic Standards

Forget what everyone else is doing. Forget pleasing anyone that lives outside of your house. Keep your eyes on your own paper. As an adult, you decide what’s best for you and your family. Your mother in law might have her opinions, but they belong to her, not you. You’ll find that the more confidently you make decisions for your household, the more respect you’ll be given by others outside of it, and even if they don’t, who cares? They’re not living your life. You are.

Decide what success looks like for you and your immediate family. Create goals together, and work towards them as a team. let’s be real, society constantly changes its mind anyway, so why are we trying to do what everyone else is doing? Do it your way, momma.

2. Practicing Self-Compassion: Accepting Your Limitations and Mistakes

I’m guessing that you’re really bad at giving yourself grace. You’ll give it out in heaps to those you love and care about, but you? NO. You should know better. Friend, this is getting you NO WHERE. Perfectionism is killing millennials. Life is constantly changing, and if you don’t give yourself the grace to get it wrong from time to time, you’ll create nothing but misery in your own life. Allow yourself to be a human being. Allow yourself to change your mind, or try something new. Then, allow yourself time to figure it out. Life is fluid, you need to be too.

I also like to say that there is no such thing as failure. Only information gathered to make a better decision next time. If you spend your life trying not to make mistakes, you’re never going to try anything new, and you’ll end up fully entrenched in control and manipulation trying to hold on to perfection and security with a death grip. This is exhausting and painful, and you’ll hurt your relationships. It’s okay to not know how everything will turn out. You’re not the one in control anyway.

3. Cultivate Gratitude: Focus on the Joyful Moments Amidst Chaos

Did you know that practicing gratitude can reduce cortisol and release feel good hormones like dopamine and serotonin? It’s not just a good emotional practice, it’s actually good for your physical health! Find a way to practice gratitude that works for you. If you like to journal, take 5 minutes before bed to reflect on your day. Write down a few things that you’re grateful for, even when life hurts. There’s always something. Maybe it’s with a simple prayer, thanking God for a few of the ways he’s provided for you that day. Whatever way you decide, remember to practice gratitude each day.

Millennial motherhood is difficult and beautiful all at the same time. Raising a family is an incredible privilege, and a holy calling. By practicing ruthless elimination, making things easy, and letting go of perfection, we can actually begin to enjoy this season of life a little (or a lot) more. You’ve got this. I’m rooting for you!