“Where there is an abundance of chaos, there is usually a lack of good boundaries”-Lysa Terkeurst

I did a poll on Instagram last week where I asked 4 questions-here are the results

1. Q: If you were raised in a Christian home, was it okay to say “no” or was this regarded as “total disobedience”? A: 62% said total disobedience

2. Q: Are you able to say no as an adult, or do you feel like you'll be punished? A: 64% said there will be negative consequences

3. Q: If someone asks you to do something (especially at church), do you feel obligated to say yes-looking at it as “sacrificial servant hood”? A: 75% said definitely

4. Q: Do you ever think, “If I don't, who will”? A: 77% said yes

-This is significant-

My friend, this kind of conditioning has lead women in the church to believe that

their needs don't matter.

Even worse, this conditioning leads to abuse.

Please hear me. I am NOT saying this is your parent's fault. They did what they thought was best, based on the information they had (just like we all do). They were so well intentioned, and we need to recognize that our parents are humans just doing their best. Forgive.

We all want to raise our kids with biblical stewardship, but not having boundaries and ignoring your basic needs is not biblical stewardship. God does not call us to take on everything at all times. This has gotten so warped in the church, and it's the reason volunteers burn out, church staff have mental breakdowns, and once vibrant organizations fall.

As a former people pleaser, scared to say no to anyone or any opportunity to serve, one of the best questions I ever learned to ask myself was,

“Is this mine?”

This question invites the Holy Spirit in to the conversation-he is there to give you discernment. I promise you, saying “This isn't mine to take on” will not have a negative consequence (if it does, it's a red flag). Being firm in what isn't yours will help you stay available for the assignment that IS yours.

On the flip side, always saying “yes” leads to resentment, anger, grief…this is not the heart we want to serve with. We have to recognize when we are saying “yes” out of obligation, and practice saying “no” so that when we do serve, it's from a grateful, overflowing heart.

This is worship.

Want to learn more about boundaries? Check out the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud